Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
