Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
