I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
