i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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