Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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