There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
