You're earring is so big in my mouth
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
