I just made out with a guy for $7.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
