I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize