Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
