my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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