Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
