Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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