Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize