So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
