He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
