Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
