He passed out mid-signature
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize