I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
