I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
