no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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