There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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