I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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