You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
