i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize