my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
