am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
