After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
