my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
