I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
