I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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