So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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