as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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