..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize