we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
