im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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