omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
