Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
