my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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