Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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