Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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