I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
