God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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