my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize