I have demons in me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
