I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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