i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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