We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
