I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
