We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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