the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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