help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
