Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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