I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
