So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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