she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
