You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
