It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
