Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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