i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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