Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
