apparently the secret to your success is patron
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i believe in u and ur pee
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
