The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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