haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
