..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
