I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
