hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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