Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm at about main and main street
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
