So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
