Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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